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The Secret to Building Connection (Even in Online Dating): Turn Toward, Not Away

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Can YOUR success at dating be predicted? Yes!! What separates strong relationships from those that slowly fade out? That’s what this blog is about.

According to Dr. John Gottman, one of the most powerful indicators of a lasting relationship is how couples respond to each other’s “bids” for connection. These bids might look like a shared laugh, a casual “look at that,” or a quick text. The real magic isn’t in the moment itself—it’s in the response. Think about it – how do YOU respond to “bids” for connection when dating? Be honest! This might be your chance to make the most significant change to your dating life.

People in healthy relationships tend to turn toward these bids, even in small, seemingly insignificant ways. Over time, those small moments build trust, intimacy, and emotional safety. Of course, you may not always “feel” like responding favorably towards these bids, but get in the habit of being aware of how you do respond. Good first step, huh?

So how does this apply to dating—especially online dating? Let’s take a closer look.

Dating Apps Train Us to Turn Away

Let’s be frank. Most dating apps condition us to swipe past potential moments of connection. We’re encouraged to judge quickly, message sporadically, and ghost when things don’t feel perfect. Of if they didn’t message you for a couple of days, your defense systems go up and you ignore them back, or completely put their profile in the trash!!

That creates habits of turning away from connection—even before it begins.

At Vetted, we believe dating should reflect what actually builds relationships. That’s why we’re rethinking how people match, message, and get feedback—not just to find “the one,” but to be ready for a real connection when it shows up.

What Does “Turning Toward” Look Like in Online Dating?

  • Reading a profile fully before swiping.
  • Replying with curiosity instead of a one-word message.
  • Asking your panel (your trusted friends/family on Vetted) for insight instead of ghosting when you’re unsure.
  • Being emotionally available enough to notice when someone is making a “bid”—even virtually.
  • Checking your own feelings – am I reacting because of fear, insecurity, rejection, or some other emotion?

Turning Toward Starts With Mindset

Great relationships aren’t built by finding a flawless person. They’re built by practicing connection—now, not later. If we can turn toward small moments on dating apps, we’re practicing for what makes love last in the real world.

Let Vetted help you turn toward what matters. Have you signed up for our early access opportunity? If you haven’t why not?? What are you waiting for?

35 thoughts on “The Secret to Building Connection (Even in Online Dating): Turn Toward, Not Away”

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