Fondness and Admiration: The Secret Ingredient Missing in Online Dating

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A couple embraces by a serene lake at sunset, radiating peace and love.

I absolutely LOVE Dr. Gottman’s pioneering work in the relationships world! In his research on successful couples, Dr. John Gottman identified “Fondness and Admiration” as the second key principle of lasting love. When couples consistently see each other through a positive lens—highlighting what’s lovable, not just what’s frustrating—they’re far more likely to thrive.

In the dating world, however, this principle is often the first casualty.

1. Dating Apps Can Be Contempt Machines

Let’s be honest: modern dating apps train us to critique. Swipe culture has conditioned us to assess others with lightning speed—“Too short,” “Not successful enough,” “Weird bio.” Over time, this mindset erodes our ability to appreciate others’ humanity and nuance.

Vetted flips the script.

By bringing your trusted circle into your dating journey, Vetted encourages you to explore matches with curiosity and kindness. When your panel affirms something great about a potential match, it nudges you to see that person through a lens of possibility, not perfectionism.

✨ Try this: Next time you’re reviewing a profile, pause and ask, “If this person were already someone I cared about, how would I describe them?” That simple shift can rewire your dating experience and open the door to more genuine connection.

2. Fondness Begins with Mindset

Fondness and admiration aren’t about blind praise. They’re about choosing to focus on strengths, even when flaws are present. In dating, that means resisting the urge to nitpick and asking instead:

  • What do I genuinely like about this person?
  • How do they show character, effort, or kindness?
  • Could this be someone I could admire—not just be attracted to?

Vetted can help you slow down and see the good—especially when your circle sees things in your match that you might miss in your early impressions.

🌱 Tip: Start a personal “Admiration Journal” during your dating process. For every person you meet—even if it doesn’t work out—write down one thing you genuinely admired about them. You’ll train your brain to look for the good and protect your heart from cynicism.

3. Admiration Leads to Emotional Safety

Dating that’s full of criticism and judgment creates anxiety and defensiveness. But when we feel admired—even just a little—we relax. We show more of ourselves. And that’s when true connection becomes possible.

By vetting matches with those who already admire and care for you, Vetted creates an emotionally safer space for real connection to unfold. You’re not alone in navigating your instincts—your panel offers a sounding board rooted in love and concern, helping you feel more grounded and hopeful as you date.

💡 Challenge: On your next date, instead of focusing on impressing or evaluating, try offering a sincere compliment early on. It creates warmth, breaks the ice, and models admiration in action.

Final Thought

Love doesn’t grow in harsh soil. It grows in environments where fondness and admiration can take root. In the search for love, choose a mindset—and a dating app—that helps you nurture the good in others from the start.

The world doesn’t need more swipes—it needs more sincerity. So give yourself permission to admire again. To be curious again. To hope again.

Date seriously. Date with Vetted.

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